The mourning cloak is a butterfly that doesn’t migrate, instead it stays and overwinters as an adult by hibernating in hollow trees. The butterfly actually replaces some of their body’s water with anti-freeze like chemicals called glycols and then can survive being partially frozen in a state of torpor for months.
I have been slowly reading two books simultaneously this winter and both have helped me meditate on Winter’s cyclical purpose and hand in (our) evolution. The first is Winter World: The Ingenuity of Animal Survival by Bernd Heinrich. I read this one before I sleep at night. The other one is A Year in Practice by Jacqueline Suskin. I keep this one by my couch and let it call me in when I need it. Both books have helped me to find rest beneath my mourning cloak. The beginning of February we celebrated my Dad’s 60th birthday, his first birthday since his death. The end of February marked 6 months without him earthside.
The most recent full moon was in Virgo. The mutable earth energy seemed like the right timing to reflect on how I am feeling about my blog here so far. I pulled two Tarot cards, one for the moment and one for the future.
XIII: Death
Obvious. Yet challenging to think of death metaphorically at a time like this one. But maybe the actual challenge is that the metaphors ring true. An end is a beginning, everything and everyone dies, and I still wake up hungry. I still wake up awkward and get dressed with my skeleton on the outside. I don’t know how to tell my friends how much I missed them because those versions of ourselves are memories now.
This card beams transformative power and alchemical release. I appreciate the clarity of something I constantly try to put too many words to. That’s really all I am trying to do here on my blog, to change BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
Queen of Pentacles:
Thank you future. The Queen of Pentacles is intuition, renewal, a seed, the nutrient rich soil. Take your time.
I am thinking about how I would like to change some structural things about my blog. Maybe a seasonal approach to longer newsletter type posts. I also have been thinking about using my actual voice some. Not to be such cliche Gemini but I like hearing myself talk. Maybe some voice memo rambling type moments, or voiceovers over some studio process things. I also like posting work in progress but am trying to figure out my balance of not sharing things before they are ready. Trying to work with the double-slit experiment observer effect in my creative pracice.
The Queen of Pentacles is reminding me that intuition is a guide to navigating the spectrum of burnout to sustainability within a creative practice. But I honestly just want to jump off that spectrum, cause it might actually be a trap. Meaning, I am weary of induvidualizing problems that are systematic/forced upon us (i.e low wages, high inflation, devalued labor, pandemic, stolen lives). Burnout is not just waking up one day and deciding to work too much. And sustainability is not a place to arrive to, it is a journey of adaptation.
So with this card a question remains: Queen show me the way to a harmonious partnership between my creative dreams and my daily waking life!?
Words I think of when I think about why I love figure drawing: ATUNEMENT, SIMPLICITY, BEAUTY, MEDITATIVE, FOCUS, VULNERABLE
This was the first time I brought ink and brushes to figure drawing. When I look back at the drawings I feel like they are more emotional than the ones I drew with pastels and pencils. I liked how painting urged me to be more decisive and trust myself more too.
Thanks, always for meeting me here. I would love to hear about your wintertime survival adaptations in the comments if you want to share.
